Daddy and the Two Bears
From the moment I started reading ‘Daddy and the Two Bears’ by Gary Anderson, I knew it was going to be emotional. The first couple of pages start with Anderson and his wife Michelle's story from the perspective of another writer. They prepare the reader for an emotional rollercoaster of devastation and loss.
Anderson wrote this book from his point of view, which I found fascinating because not a lot of stories about pregnancy or loss show the perspective of the father, especially in emotionally gripping stories like this one. So, to be able to experience these strong feelings from his point of view was amazing.
The story officially begins with Anderson taking the reader into his own mind. He breaks down his mental health, shows his hidden demons and how he goes to psychotherapy. Anderson talks about the joy his wife and him had when they discovered they were pregnant with twins and how devastated they were when they were told the news of that their twins may not survive.
Alana and Dana – the bears – developed twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome, a condition where twin babies share one placenta and a network of blood vessels that supply nutrients and oxygen essential for survival. The survival rate for babies with this syndrome is very low.
But Anderson doesn't end the tale there, he carries the reader through the pregnancy with him and Michelle. He writes about how they found out about the twin's condition at six weeks; how they frequented the hospital to have the amniotic sac drained from one of the twins. He discusses the birth plan and how the doctors were preparing to ensure that both twins had a chance at survival.
He goes into detail about his love for the girls, how he wanted to protect them and cherish them only for them to be gone in the end. He vividly paints the picture of sadness, heartbreak and devastation when he talks about their loss. He pulls on the reader's heart strings and immerses them in the sadness and bereavement he experienced during that time.
Through Anderson's eyes, the readers see more than just a man grieving. They see a team of doctors, nurses and staff members devastated by the news just like he was. They see how hard they were fighting for the twin's survival and how strong Michelle was during the delivery.
The additional writer in the beginning emphasises the experience Michelle and Anderson had when they were sent to another hospital for extra care and how the nurses picking them up were upset, angry and not gentle with their patients. He emphasised how unfair this was as they were going through such a critical moment in their family's lives.
This books ability to engage the reader through emotion allows midwives and medical professionals to understand bereavement. It allows them to understand what their patients are going through so they can be better prepared to support them when faced with loss.
This book is more than just a story about the loss of two babies; it really shows an insider's perspective of bereavement and how invested the medical team is when it comes to a loss. It shows how emotional it can be for midwives, doctors, and nurses to experience these harsh realities with their patients. This book showcases the impact such a loss can have on multiple birthing families and it can help them cope with it.
Midwives especially would benefit from reading this book because it allows them to take a step away from the clinical side and become reconnected with the human side of their care. Sometimes in the medical profession, midwives, doctors or nurses can become too invested in procedures, safety measures and more, to the point where they lose sight of what that person is going through emotionally.
I would recommend this book to all midwives and health professionals because it truly showcases the pain families go through when dealing with bereavement. It allows them to learn more about it from the family's perspective, allowing healthcare professionals to be better equipped when it comes to supporting them through it.