The Sands memory box is a tool for midwives, and those supporting bereaved parents, to provide sensitive opportunities to begin the lifelong process of acknowledging and remembering their baby.
Sands works to ensure the right care and support are available at the right time after the death of a baby. We provide bereavement support that is evidence-based, accessible to all and available when needed.
This year, we are relaunching the Sands memory box. The new box is designed to be a tool to enable midwives to start conversations about the choices parents have, to enable them to start establishing continuing bonds (Worden, 2009), and to meet the needs of bereaved parents now and in the future. It contains items which provide comfort, helps healthcare professionals support families to establish enduring bonds with their baby and offers clear, useful information. How immediate support and guidance is offered sets the tone for that family's bereavement journey going forward.
‘The doctors left our son with us for about an hour and a half which really helped with the process of saying goodbye. They were brilliant staff and so understanding. We also had a memory box which we still look through. Everything they did helped us grieve for our baby.’
‘I love my memory box. When the bereavement midwife said she had one for us, I immediately realised I wasn't alone and that someone out there decided to put these in place and I'm forever thankful to them.’
How can we help midwives and healthcare professionals to do this? There may be little tangible evidence of a baby's life or shared memories, which are often so important in grieving when an older child or adult has died. Physical reminders which directly connect parents to their babies matter more to families when a baby dies because they and their midwife, sonographer or doctor may be the only witnesses to his or her existence.
‘The midwife looking after us was extremely helpful. We thought we wouldn't be able to keep any footprints/handprints of our baby due to his size, but she insisted to try and do it for us, and we are so glad she did, as we treasure this wonderful memory now.’
‘The memory box helped me remember my baby in a positive light and not in a negative one.’
| Hand- and footprint kit |
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| A full kit with clear instructions, inkless wipes and quality paper in a card frame make it simple to take a precious hand- and footprint impressions without marking the baby's skin. Parents have used these hand- and footprints as the basis for lasting tributes to their children through memorial jewellery, tattoos and artworks |
| Baby details book |
| A beautifully designed booklet where details about baby and family can be recorded. There are blank pages for notes and a pocket at the back for scan photos or other important documents |
| Certificate of birth |
| A certificate to match the baby details booklet. Many parents tell us how important it is to have a physical document that acknowledges the birth of their baby. For pre-24 week losses, this is particularly important as there are no legal documents that show their baby was born |
| Pair of bears |
| Two small identical teddy bears, one of which can be left with the family and one which can stay with the baby |
| Soft white blanket |
| Each blanket in a Sands memory box has been knitted or crocheted with care by a supporter to comfort bereaved families |
| Information about Sands Bereavement Support app |
| Our bereavement support information can be downloaded free through an app |
| Extra space |
| Most importantly, there is room in the box for parents to add their own choice of mementoes going forward from their baby's funeral, remembrance events or activities with siblings |
The ‘Continuing bonds’ models of grief recognises the need for attachment to continue after death as being natural (Klass et al, 1996). The emotional work of grief in this context is to create a new relationship to the deceased rather than detaching from them, which is something that bereaved parents tell us is particularly important when a baby has died. Through remembrance rituals and keeping safe special objects that mark moments of connection to their baby, parents can begin creating a comforting box that keeps their baby present throughout their lives.
As a core part of our bereavement support, the box is free and available to bereaved families at the point of need. It has been refreshed and updated to complement the ‘Sands Bereavement Support Book’, which was published in July 2019.