Each day at work, I introduce myself: ‘Hello, my name is Claire. I'm one of the midwives and I'm going to be looking after you today.’ This is something I say all the time; however, there is still a mental pause before the word ‘midwife’, where I have to remind myself that I'm no longer a student. It still slips out occasionally, if I'm being honest.
Studies into newly qualified midwives' transition from student to qualification show common themes, demonstrating that it is a time of anxiety; that they feel out of their depth (Hughes and Fraser, 2011); and that the work environment can either help them to thrive or cause them to struggle, depending on their experience (Fenwick et al, 2012).
I will admit that I spent the first few months of being qualified mentally holding on for dear life. I had moved to a new unit, knew hardly anyone and was trying to consolidate my own practice as well as pick up the new unit's quirks.
There are many reasons why newly qualified midwives choose to stay with the Trust they trained with, and many reasons why they might go elsewhere. Some midwives, especially if they are younger, choose to go back to their home towns, while more mature students may choose to stay where they trained due to family issues.
After much consideration, I moved back to the north of England and managed to secure a job there. It's a very individual choice and there are risks and benefits to both. For me, the move was positive and despite the steep learning curve, I'm glad I did it. I certainly missed the people I trained with, as there is a common ground of shared experience that nothing can replace; however, I'm gaining experience in issues and areas that I wouldn't have had if I had not made the move.
Despite the all-encompassing feeling of terror that dogged my steps for a few months, in what seems like a moment, my confidence has grown massively and I am doing things that a few months ago seemed like a pipe dream. I still sometimes look over my shoulder for my mentor and am slightly surprised that I don't have to report everything I do to someone else. I can go and get medications from the cupboard for someone without a qualified midwife with me, I can suture on my own, I can cannulate, administer intavenous medications and sign my name as a qualified midwife. It is still mind-blowing that I can do this.
I am nowhere near others' level of experience, but each day I improve a little bit more and it's really gratifying to reflect back and see those big changes to my practice and confidence that have happened without me noticing. Most of this has happened through repeated practice and through mentoring from my peers.
The practice development midwife at my Trust told us during a training session to find a ‘midwifery crush’—someone whose practice you admire and wish to emulate. I have found a few of these, both as a student and as a newly qualified midwife. I take bits of their knowledge and weave them into the tapestry that will one day form the scope of my practice.