This midwifery course is one of the hardest things I have ever done. I am certain that midwifery is my passion, but the course is difficult and has taken a lot out of me. I am coming to the end of my second year, and while this year has been extraordinary in so many ways, there have been times when I have stopped and pondered why on earth I decided that this was a good idea. In what universe did I ever think I was capable of being a midwife?
A friend, who trained as a midwife herself, spoke to me recently after a difficult shift. She told me that a student's confidence is shaky at best, which I feel is true—for me at least. A mentor who says a cross word to you can erode the burgeoning sense of confidence and competence that, for students, is hard won. The daily battle to appear at least somewhat knowledgeable, and not like a preschooler in a scratchy tunic, can be wearing. We are continually out of our depth, trying to keep pace with fast-moving situations and midwives who have a lifetime's worth of experience. I sometimes feel that by the time I have mastered one thing, it morphs into something new, with angles and consequences that I can not even begin to fathom.
Feeling out of your depth as a student is perfectly normal. That is why you are a student; you are there to learn your craft and eventually be signed to the register. There are things that I can do now that I never dreamed of doing in my first year: being able to feel the ebb and flow of a contraction underneath my hands, hearing the different vocal pitches of a labouring woman, and actually being able to find a cervix. Admittedly, it is not just about the practical application of your skills; it is also about that watchful waiting and the ability to tune in to a woman and her family. I feel as though some of the best moments have been when I have successfully done that.
At the last Royal College of Midwives (RCM) conference, the ‘Caring for You’ programme was launched. This initiative by the RCM seeks to encourage clinical settings to ‘nurture a compassionate and supportive workplace’ so that those working within maternity can be at their best when supporting women and their families (RCM, 2016). There have been various reports and articles about the difficulties felt by staff working in the NHS, with accounts of bullying and an inhospitable working environment making the newspapers (Johnson, 2016). The campaign was formed in response and asks workplaces to care for its staff in the same way that midwives care for women.
In the middle of all this, students are still showing up to placements and becoming the workforce of tomorrow. We must be kind to ourselves, and be honest that the job is hard somtimes. There are days of unimaginable highs where everything seems to go right, and days of incomprehensible lows where you sit in the staffroom staring at the board wondering what is going on with the world.
It is important to find our support networks and dig into them, making sure that we look after ourselves and each other. Be kind to yourself, be gentle and do your best—that's all anyone can ask. It is so important to be surrounded by people who support us through good times and bad, whether that be a fellow student, a mentor or a family member. Take advantage of that support, and do not feel bad for leaning on them in the hard times and celebrate with them in the good.
Midwifery can be busy and exhausting at times, but it is safe to say I would not want to be anywhere else.