The English dictionary defines acting as the ‘activity or profession of performing in plays or films’ (Collins English Dictionary, 2014) so I was surprised when a mandatory course offered as part of my Florence Nightingale Leadership Scholarship programme was a bespoke leadership course run by the Royal Academy of Dramatic Art (RADA). Instantly my thoughts were negative. I hate role play, it doesn't come naturally to me. I was also nervous about play acting in front of other senior professionals that I don't know. I stepped over the threshold into the RADA studios with trepidation in my heart. I looked around to all the other senior staff in my group, which included chief nurses and senior heads of service, and I could see their anxieties oozing from their faces. I was comforted by the thought that we all felt the same.
The three-day course was led by an amazing actor and playwright, who I recognised from the small screen. As he gently led us through the leadership theories and concepts whilst cleverly intertwining drama anecdotes, we all began to relax and really enjoy the experience. It soon became evident that throughout my professional career I was, in fact, a skilled actor – both as a midwife and midwifery manager.
Reflecting upon my career so far, I can remember dealing with a catastrophic event on the postnatal ward that has haunted me for years. I was a newly qualified midwife answering an emergency buzzer. I went into autopilot mode and worked with the team to ensure the safety of the woman and her family. At a debrief session following this event, I was praised for my calm approach to this emergency and even received a thank you card for the woman and her husband for my calming manner, help and support. I had to check a few times that people were talking to me as I felt far from calm. I was scared, my heart was racing and I was plagued with anxieties – could I have done better? Should I have acted differently? As the RADA course continued I realised that I was using similar skills that actors do when playing a character in a role. How we speak, act and behave adapts in different situations just as actors do when playing different roles.
‘It soon became evident that throughout my professional career I was, in fact, a skilled actor – both as a midwife and midwifery manager’
More recently, when I have been presenting at board meetings and national events, I am plagued with crippling anxiety. Constantly feeling inadequate and worrying that others will judge me. I spend hours after the presentations analysing my performance in a highly critical manner. I would definitely say that I have imposter syndrome. However, I regularly receive positive feedback and my peers and managers telling me that I am a confident and skilled presenter. Am I really all those things? Or am I just a good actor? I think the latter; however, it doesn't really matter as long as I am delivering my message and practising safe midwifery care.
What I have learnt, both during my RADA course and as a Florence Nightingale Scholar, is that we are all actors. We wear an invisible veil that hides our fears, anxieties and inner demons – we often adopt acting skills as a protection although, we don't always know we are doing it. I think as midwives we can be described as chameleons. We adapt our personality and communication styles depending on who we are caring for or communicating with. We are privileged to work in a profession that cares for women at their most vulnerable time. We are highly skilled to detect subtle changes in them and therefore adapt our care and communication style to ensure they feel safe and secure.
I found the RADA experience life changing and inspiring. Over the intensive three day sessions, I broke down my protective walls, tackled my inner fears and built myself up again. I will always have the RADA teachers' voice in my head reminding me to breathe and his wise words reminding me that I am doing well. I have also become highly aware of others around me, and the acting skills that they are using but aren't aware of.
I am certainly not an award-winning actor, rather a humble midwife using a range of skills acquired throughout my career to improve and enhance the care that I give women and their families. However I will always be acutely aware of my behaviours and mannerisms to ensure that my messages are always received as they are intended. I have also grown in confidence both personally and professionally. I now analyse my senior managers when in the boardroom and can identify the acting skills that they are using. When hierarchy is broken down, we are all the same. We have the same fears and anxieties. Some just use their acting skills better than others.